The Birthday Party That Taught Me We’d Been Overdoing It

For the first time, my son, who was turning 8, didn’t want a class birthday or the kind of party that requires months of planning and a small production team. He wanted ten friends. A spy theme - and that was it.

Ten friends is a strange number, because it sits in that awkward middle space. Too small to justify a party planner or a large, expensive set-up. Too big to just “wing it” at home without some structure. And if you’ve ever searched “spy birthday party” on Pinterest, you’ll know there isn’t exactly a wealth of inspiration beyond a few detective cakes and magnifying glasses.

So I did something I don’t always do, and asked a different question. Not how do I make this impressive? But how do I make this genuinely fun?

I took the budget I was comfortable with - not minimal, not extravagant - and broke it down into four things that actually matter when it comes to kids’ parties: entertainment, food, giveaways, and atmosphere.

1. Entertainment first, always

For a small group, entertainment is the backbone. If the kids are engaged, everything else fades into the background.

I found that renting one really good inflatable - in our case, a warrior-style obstacle course - was far more cost-effective than trying to scatter entertainment everywhere. I wouldn’t recommend this for large parties (it can get loud, overwhelming, and honestly a bit chaotic), but for ten kids it worked perfectly as the central activity.

Around that, I built a “training academy.” Two teams. A series of simple challenges. Nothing fancy, nothing outsourced. One obstacle was a word-unscramble I made at home with envelopes and cut-out letters. Another was a cotton ball and straw challenge. Then a colour shout-out game. Then a treasure hunt.

This is where I’ll say it plainly: at-home entertainment does not have to mean boring. ChatGPT is your best friend here. The kids were completely immersed - more than I’ve ever seen at any party we’ve hosted before - because they were participating, not just consuming.

2. Create zones, not chaos

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that parties feel calmer when they’re zoned.

You don’t need more things — you need clearer spaces.

We had:

• A main games and entertainment zone

• A small dress-up / creative station

• A clear food and drink area

• A cake-cutting moment

Zoning gives kids freedom without overwhelm, and it gives parents a sense of order without micromanaging. If you’re ever stuck for ideas, an arts-and-crafts station is almost always a win and you can use all the random materials you have at home.

3. Immersion matters more than aesthetics

Getting everyone “into” the theme is something I personally enjoy and it makes a huge difference. We did a small dress-up station with spy props and our create-your-own sweater, which doubled up as part of the giveaway.

Nothing excessive, but enough to pull the kids into the story of the party. Immersion doesn’t have to be expensive. It just has to be thoughtful.

4. Kids eat far less than we think

I’ve gone overboard on food in the past. Platters, options, excess. And every year, I watch it barely get touched.

This time, I kept it simple: a small, balanced home-made lunchbox in themed boxed - fruit, cucumber and carrot sticks, homemade pizza, nuggets. That was it. It worked perfectly.

The pressure to “feed well” at parties is often more about adult optics than children’s needs.

5. Giveaways are not fillers

If there’s one thing I will always budget for, it’s party favours. But not as fillers.

For me, giveaways are the memento. The thing that leaves the party and quietly anchors the memory. We did personalised notebooks (on theme of course), luggage tags, a small torch and an invisible marker. Useful, thoughtful and not clutter.

I don’t believe in sending children home with a bag of things that will break by bedtime. Find our curated edit of customised giveaways here.

6. Budgeting isn’t about doing less, it’s about choosing better

This party wasn’t “cheap,” and it wasn’t lavish. It was intentional.

By deciding upfront where the money actually mattered, everything else became easier. There was no guilt about what we didn’t do, because what we did do worked.

7. Simpler parties don’t mean less magic

If anything, they create more space for it.

The truth is, I usually go all out for my kids’ birthdays. This year reminded me that you don’t always need to. The kids had fun. Real fun. 

8. The biggest win? I enjoyed it too

And maybe that’s the part we don’t talk about enough.

A birthday party is a memory for our children, but it’s also a chapter in our motherhood. When we strip away the pressure to perform, what’s left is connection. Presence. Joy. And that, quietly, is always enough.