What I've learnt as a clinical psychologist about the emotions children don't always know how to express.
By Sreevidhya K S | Clinical Psychologist, Dubai
One of the things I've come to realise through my work with children is that they rarely walk into a room and tell you exactly what's bothering them.
I wish it were that simple.
Instead, they might tell you about a friend who wouldn't play with them, a teacher who raised their voice, or how they suddenly don't want to go to school anymore.
Sometimes, they don't tell you anything at all.
And that's what makes understanding children's emotions so interesting, and occasionally so difficult, even for the most attentive parents.
I often meet parents who tell me, "But she seemed absolutely fine yesterday," or "He was laughing and playing all evening. I didn't realise something was wrong."
And I understand why. We tend to look for sadness when we think of emotional difficulties. We imagine a child crying, withdrawing, or telling us that something is wrong.
But children don't always experience or communicate distress in ways that adults recognise.
Sometimes, a child who is struggling emotionally doesn't look sad at all. They may seem more irritable, clingy, withdrawn, or easily frustrated than usual.
Here's Something I Wish More Parents Knew.
A child who throws a tantrum after school isn't necessarily upset about the thing that triggered the tantrum. Perhaps they've spent the entire day trying to follow instructions, manage friendships, tolerate noise, and meet expectations. By the time they reach home, they're exhausted. And then something relatively small happens. A sibling takes their toy, dinner isn't what they expected, or they're asked to complete one more task.
Suddenly, everything feels too much.
We often focus on the behaviour because that's what we can see. But in therapy, I'm usually more interested in what happened before it.
Was the child embarrassed? Overwhelmed? Disappointed? Feeling excluded?
Before asking, "How do I stop this behaviour?" try asking, "What might my child be finding difficult right now?". That small shift in perspective can change how we respond.
Pay Attention To The Little Things They Tell You.
Children don't always choose the most convenient moments to talk. It might be while you're driving, getting them ready for bed, or doing something completely unrelated. A child might casually mention, "Nobody wanted to sit with me today." It's easy to respond with something reassuring like, "Don't worry, you'll make other friends." And although the intention is good, we may have unintentionally ended a conversation that was just beginning.
Instead, try being curious.
"What happened?"
"How did that make you feel?"
"Has this happened before?"
You don't necessarily need to offer a solution. Sometimes, what children need most is the experience of being heard without immediately being corrected, reassured, or advised.
Five Small Things Parents Can Start Noticing
If you're wondering how to better understand your child's emotional world, here are a few things I encourage parents to pay attention to.
1. Changes in their everyday routine. Are they sleeping differently, eating less, avoiding activities, or becoming unusually dependent on you?
2. Their behaviour after school. Do they seem particularly irritable, exhausted, withdrawn, or overwhelmed? Consider what demands they may have been managing throughout the day.
3. How they talk about themselves. Statements such as "I'm stupid," "Nobody likes me," or "I can never do anything right" deserve gentle curiosity, particularly when repeated.
4. Changes in their friendships. Are they suddenly reluctant to attend school, avoiding particular classmates, or frequently talking about being excluded?
5. The emotions underneath their reactions. When your child becomes angry or upset, try to understand what the situation meant to them before focusing exclusively on correcting the behaviour.
None of these signs, in isolation, necessarily means that a child has a mental health condition. But persistent changes are worth exploring, especially when they interfere with school, friendships, sleep, or family life.
You Don't Have To Get Every Response Right.
I think there's an enormous amount of pressure on parents today to say the right thing, respond calmly, and somehow understand every emotion their child experiences.
But children don't need parents who can read their minds.
They need parents who are willing to notice, listen, and remain curious, even when their behaviour is difficult to understand. And if your child doesn't want to talk immediately, that's okay too. You can let them know you're available and return to the conversation later.
If emotional or behavioural changes persist or begin interfering with daily functioning, seeking guidance from a qualified mental health professional can help. Any disclosure of self-harm or suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously and assessed promptly.
One of the most meaningful things I've learnt from working with children is that the conversations that matter aren't always the big, planned ones. Sometimes, they're the little moments when a child says something seemingly insignificant, and an adult chooses to listen a little longer. Because sometimes, the first sign that a child is struggling isn't what they say.
It's what has changed.
About the Author
Sreevidhya Kottarapat Srinivas is a RCI and DHA-licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Dubai, working with children, adolescents, and adults. Her clinical work focuses on understanding emotional and behavioural difficulties and supporting children and families through evidence-based psychological interventions. Through her platform, @thatdubaitherapist, she aims to make psychology accessible, practical, and relevant to everyday life.
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